As you all can tell, I haven’t been good about posting this summer. Honestly, I’ve been pretty busy and tired. Get ready for a slightly longer post that usual since I’m fitting a lot in!
So some of the highlights of my summer have been swimming for the first time at the beach with a flat chest. As some of you read in my Facebook post about it, it was a truly amazing experience. It is surreal to finally have been able to swim the way I have always wanted to swim. I tend to have pure moments of joy when experiencing an ordinary life moment for the first time as a societally-recognized man. Sometimes it’s because I am experiencing something for the first time in the way that I always thought it should have been, and sometimes I think it’s because I’m experiencing something in a way that I never could have dreamed would mean so much to me. Looking back, I realize that I had to hide so much of myself because I didn’t fit societal expectations of who I was supposed to be. Unboxing myself can be overwhelming at times. When I first came out I was overly masculine, party because I wanted to distance myself from the many years of playing the part of a cisgender girl and partly in an effort to be seen as a man. Now I’m slowly finding the place of authenticity.
Another highlight of my summer was the NYC Pride Parade. While my friend and I were walking down 5th Avenue, looking for a place to watch the parade, I noticed a young guy with a transgender flag tied around him. We kept walking and found a spot, but I just had the feeling that I should go back and talk to the kid. I tapped him on the shoulder and introduced myself and ended up talking to him and his family for about a half hour. They were the sweetest people. It was really great to see such a loving and supportive family. We exchanged numbers so we can stay in touch and because he wants me to have a Skype call with his high school Gay-Straight Alliance. I got a little choked up at the end of our conversation when he said I was the first trans man he’d ever talked to in person. That was really cool.
One of the things I’ve enjoyed most over the summer has been spending time with Kylar Broadus. For those who don’t know Kylar, give him a quick Google search. He’s an amazing guy. Knowing that I have such a strong trans male mentor in my life means the world to me. It truly is life changing to see right in front of me, for the first time, a true representation of all that I want to be and all that I could be. It is incredible to talk with someone who understands me so well. He reminds me that my transmasculinity is powerful, beautiful, and most of all, worthy of respect. I don’t get that affirmation a lot, at least not from someone who really feels it, and I need it from time to time. The transmasculine narrative is one that seems to get lost sometimes in all of the problems we have as a community. It can be lonely being transgender, and sometimes I feel lonelier being a transgender man. So I am deeply grateful for the people like Kylar in my life. I look forward to being there for younger trans people like my trans mentors have been there for me.
And finally, on July 3, I reached my two year anniversary of being out as a transgender man. I’ve certainly had my ups and downs, but I wouldn’t do anything differently. Thanks for being a part of my journey.
All the best,