Well this week has been quite a roller coaster emotionally. It started with coming back from D.C. on Sunday, which was an amazing experience. Monday was the one year anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting. I remember waking up a year ago to find out that one of my gay sanctuaries had been attacked. As the death toll rose that day I was devastated. A year later, I still mourn for those lost. An older trans woman at my internship was talking about it in passing at work and mentioned that her generation of queer people just expected that kind of stuff to happen in a way that mine has never had to. She said the trans elders are the only ones who get to be tired, and my generation has to lead the fight. That’s scary to hear, but she’s right.
On Tuesday, I got my grades back. Despite my unwavering belief that I failed Property, I didn’t. I actually did better in Property than I did in Employment Law. I was, and still am, disappointed in my Employment Law grade. I get really frustrated with exams that amount to typing contests since I’m a horrible typist. Sigh. Oh, and for all of y’all who put up with my complaining about my “feelings papers,” y’all should be happy to know I did quite well in my externship. Lol
When our GPAs were updated on Wednesday, I found out that my GPA went up from last semester, and compared to last year, it improved 3.1 tenths of a point. I was still pretty down despite this good news. It was a depressing feeling that I similarly had when I got my fall semester grades back in January. To be fair, I was experiencing feeling a little down before my grades came out. How I was feeling doesn’t make sense because on paper everything is rainbows and butterflies here in NYC. I guess emotions don’t make sense all of the time.
On Friday, I went with the other intern to watch a couple of oral arguments at the Second Circuit Court of Appeals. Both cases were about civil rights issues (religious and free speech discrimination in employment) and were appealing summary judgment. It was really cool to see. I thought it was interesting that some of the competitions that I’ve watched at school had hotter benches than the one I observed on Friday.
Yesterday, I went to Bronx Pride with one of my co-workers. Despite the rain at the beginning, everyone had a great time. Being around so many trans people of color, especially the elders really put everything back into perspective for me. Some have been fighting to survive for decades. Some have been thriving for decades. All have been committed to the movement for decades.
The Bronx Pride was incredibly trans-centered. They gave out many awards to those that have supported my community. There’s an entire culture here, trans and queer, that I’m learning about. I have an entire culture that I’m finally learning about and experiencing. It’s a powerful thing. I don’t feel so down anymore.
All the best,