Another week has gone by, and I’m a little closer to the one month on T mark. This week has been pretty good. On Thursday I went to Atlanta for an open house at the new Transgender Law Center/Southerners on New Ground office. I made some good connections there. I even got to meet Rep. Park Cannon, the first openly queer member of the Georgia legislature. She’s absolutely amazing, and I look forward to fighting the good fight with her in the future. The event was really affirming and re-energizing. Getting to talk to trans attorneys is always a pleasure.
After the event I went to celebrate some good news with one of my trans guy friends over some margs and queso. Thanks to a couple of fellowships to help alleviate some of the costs of having an unpaid public interest summer job, I’ve got most of my top surgery paid for! I’ll be setting up a date for that next week some time. At this point I think I’ll need to fundraise $1000-$2000. I think that’s doable though. I’ll be doing some in-person fundraising and probably a go fund me for people on here. I hope that y’all will be willing to pitch in!
On Friday I went to see my doctor and got some blood work done to check my T level and red blood cells…routine stuff. I am lucky to have such an inclusive place to go. All of the people there are really nice and helpful. Later that day I got a call from Georgia Equality about doing a little volunteering with them this summer. I didn’t get a chance to call back, but I look forward to calling them back on Monday to see if we can work something out. I also went with some friends to a professor’s house for wine. We won this as part of a fundraiser/auction for summer fellowships. It was a lot of fun.
Just in case anyone is curious about my dose, I take 200ml every other week. I just took my third shot on Friday.
I haven’t noticed much change in my voice. I forgot to make a voice video in Friday like I usually do, but I made one earlier today. It was pretty much like the last one.
A momentous change has happened since I’ve started T. No more shark week! It was supposed to be this past week, but I got nothing. It normally takes 1-3 months for that to stop so I’m glad that mine is gone for good.
My insomnia is a little better, and knock on wood that it stays that way.
I’ve also noticed that I’ve become more attracted to gay men. Surprise! I’ve heard that sometimes trans men get pretty guy-obsessed, and sometimes that can turn into attraction to men. I’ve always been attracted to men on various levels so I guess what I’m feeling makes sense. I’m more into feminine qualities than just strictly feminine women.
Another week in Athens, Georgia has gone by. It’s been a pretty good one. I had lunch with one of the TDOV panelists on Monday. She’s a professor at the business school. It was really good to talk to her. I always enjoy talking to other trans people and find myself really missing that from time to time at school. I’m glad to have made the connection with her.
Well I think my voice is about the same as last week. It went back up a bit during the past week and then dropped back down. The days when it was up were a little stressful. Apparently it’s pretty normal for that to happen though.
I’ve been having sleeping problems again. I just can’t seem to get my brain to turn off at night. Finals are fast approaching, and I’m stressed about that doesn’t help. I hope that my sleeping patterns start leveling out soon.
I’m down a belt loop, but last time I checked I haven’t lost any weight. Once finals are over and I’m in Atlanta for the summer, I’m going to make time for exercise to try and take advantage of the T.
I’ve also noticed that I’ve got some darker leg hair creeping in. It started around my ankles and is coming up my calves.
And more NSFW increases…
I’ve got to make sure that I stay on top of any negative mood changes. This past Wednesday I was at a 1L meeting that should have been an email. Needless to say, I voiced my frustration to the people around me. Apparently I was noticeably mad, enough for a couple of my friends to mention it to me. I’ve always been pretty blunt, and I’m sure that law school has exacerbated that. I don’t know if Wednesday was because of the T directly, because I’m not sleeping and am pretty stressed about school, or some combination. Based on timelines of other trans guys, it’s probably not the T affecting my mood just yet. I need to be especially conscious of how I act since I’m soon to gain most, if not all, of the benefits of white male privilege. I don’t think that it’s necessarily going to be as easy as it sounds. I think that society tends to teach how not to be a monster, rather than how to be a good man. But more on that later. In the mean time, I’ve got a lot of exam preparation to do.
This is my second week on testosterone. My voice has gotten a little lower. I’ve had a couple of people notice it, so that makes me feel good. I hope that more people will continue to notice it. I did my first shot by myself on Friday. I’m still alive and no major blood was lost! The needle was bigger too. I’m glad that I do the injection every other week because my leg is pretty sore for the days after the shot. I hope that as I become more efficient with giving myself the shot it won’t hurt as long afterward.
Other changes… I have had some other T-related changes, but they’re a little NSFW. I’d like to run for office some day so I won’t be sharing everything. Gotta keep the blog PG! Anyway, the insomnia that I had earlier seems to have subsided, but I don’t know if that will change since I just did another shot. I can’t think of any other changes off the top of my head.
Overall I feel good about all of the changes so far. School is pretty stressful since we’re a couple of weeks away from finals. I saw my therapist again this week just to talk about everything going on. We talked a little bit about my dad, and she seemed to agree that he’s not the kind of person that I want in my life. I’m not going to think too much about it right now since I have finals right around the corner. My mom came to visit on Friday. It was good to see her. We were going to play golf at the university course, but they had a tournament going on and were closed to the public. We ended up hanging out downtown.
This past week has certainly been eventful. Thursday was Trans Day of Visibility. As part of our law school LGBTQ group (OUTlaw) I organized a panel of trans people for an event at the law school. I think people really enjoyed it and learned a lot. I was proud that the panel showed the gender spectrum (2 trans men, 1 trans woman, and 1 genderqueer person). I’ll probably head up OUTlaw next year, but I hope to find another couple of people to help me out. I’m already trying to brainstorm events for the fall. I have a few things in mind so far.
So this is one week on testosterone. My voice has already lowered a little bit based on the voice videos that I’ve made. I’ve also noticed a few more personal changes. I met another trans guy at the happy hour hosted by our LGBTQ graduate school group. He said that he had some insomnia when he first started T. I’ve had that as well. I haven’t had any other bad side effects though. I am excited about all of the changes that are happening/about to happen. But I’m a little nervous about doing the shot next week by myself. I bet it will be okay though.
Yesterday I talked to my dad for the first time since early July. I stopped talking to him when I came out as trans last summer. Based on our history I didn’t figure that he would want anything to do with me once I came out. I told him that. He didn’t have much of a response. He did say that he still loves me and all that. He wants me to call him again later so we could talk some more, but I don’t know if I will. Honestly it’s better that we don’t have a relationship. He has a mercurial temperament, and I can’t trust him. I don’t want that kind of person in my life.
I’m slowly learning who I need to let go of and who I need to hold on to. It’s not easy, but I know I’ll be better off in the long run. I have a lot of good things going for me right now so I’m not going to let anyone mess with that.